I know that a review has to be balanced, and therefore it is probably best to start with the positives. The hotel location is spectacular, the swimming pool is decent and the grounds are well kept. Upon arrival, the reception staff were friendly and helpful. After that, there are huge problems with the hotel. The room is tired looking, with a slight musty smell and decor in need of an upgrade. The bed is an old wooden number that has seen better days and creaks like a pirates galleon. The room is boiling hot, with no functional air control. It has, thus far, been one of the worst nights sleep of my life. However, the main thing to avoid is the restaurant. For dinner, the kitchen serves a grand total of 5 dishes - 3 starters and 2 mains (pork and salmon - vegans should count themselves lucky not to be catered for). For starter, I had a ‘focaccia’ that was essentially a thick, tasteless doorstop bread of the type my bad grammar school used to serve to keep us sedated. This was covered in a layer of greasy cheese-adjacent substance and what could generously be described as ‘ham’. My wife had a goats (‘gods’ according to the menu, though what kind of benevolent deity would have inflicted this meal upon His children remains to be seen) cheese parcel. The parcel was about as well received as an Amazon Prime delivery that has been booted over next door’s fence. Onto the main, and the ‘pork’ was fatty and undercooked, served with a few slices of poorly fried potato that seemed to subliminally scream the word ‘sorry’. My wife’s salmon was an insult to a fishes’ memory - slimy and unappealing, tossed carelessly on some tired lettuce and a few beetroot cubes. The price of €25 per person may have been reasonable if that was the amount we were being paid to eat it. The most ridiculous part of the evening though was the service. About 10 waiters hovered around the dining room, a number that seems high until you realise that a separate team member performs each task. Drinks and bread was one waitress. Ordering food was a waiter. Delivery of the starter was another waiter. Another waitress collected the plates. Another brought the cutlery for the main. Another brought the main. Another dressed in a full bomb disposal suit delivered the bill. After a while it becomes obvious that it is a strategy to diminish responsibility through collectivisation - it’s like a philosophical conundrum- if a crap meal is served but no one actually served it, did it really happen? Unfortunately for us, the answer is yes, and I still have ten hours trying to sleep in this unbearable inferno. On this occasion, rather than ‘gods’ cheese, I suspect that both the meal and the room have been designed by the other guy…
Excellent
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